( Tael )

1991 Birth year
Male Gender
7 Best rank
135 Wins
290 Losses
1440 Points
Noob Self assessment
31.76 % Win/Loss
A large amount Experience


Douglas Falcon is a hero of the future and thrill seeking extraordinaire. Most prominently chronicled in the video games F-Zero and Smash Bros. However his true story is never really touched on. Please read below for an in depth analysis of the savior of the 24th century. Physical Attributes: Captain Falcon is known for having the PERFECT male physique. His muscle toned body was crafted from a life of athletics and crime fighting. Captain Falcon is frequently sighted wearing SKIN TIGHT SPANDEX. Although it may seem he is a show off, he does this to maximize the aerodynamics around his body. Captain Falcon is always concerned with maximum performance and efficiency, thus he designed his suits to maximize movement and aerodynamics. He also wears the suit to showcase HIS MASSIVE GENITALS. Captain Falcon is a favorite among the ladies, they are all smitten when Captain Falcon is around. It is in fact very common to see CF nipping, (his nipples are as hard as diamonds), this is due to his consistent sexual escapades that keep him fulfilled with a constant flow of adrenaline and endorphins. Captain Falcon is also known for playing fair, he does not use stimulants, steroids, or drugs to enhance his body. His rock hard abs are the result of a 100% natural regiment and diet. His speed is unmatched and his strength rivals that of demi gods. Origins / Athletics / Family: It is often debated and assumed that Douglas Falcon is descended from the ancient Spartans. Born to an impoverished family, Douglas had very little advantages as a child. His father was a drunkard and his mother was a whore. One night Falcon's parents overdosed on Hydroxycut and Douglas was forced into an orphanage. The orphanage was able to put Douglas into little league sports. Falcon always had a natural talent for athletics and speed. At a young age he outmatched all the other children in his little league sports. Just about every team sport he was involved in became an unfair competition. Little league children everywhere quit playing simply because Douglas Falcon was clearly competing at a Pro level which elevating his team to landslide victories. The Little League Association of America decided to remove him from the sports as he was toppling the balance of the sporting events. Falcon learned injustice at a young age, when CORRUPT LITTLE LEAGUE OFFICIALS booted him for the sake of lost profits. Douglas was not a quitter though, he would not let a minor setback slow him down. Football Career: Falcon tried out for the NFL at the young age of 11, at the time, the pro players laughed at him and taunted him. During tryouts, Falcon easily placed 1st in all training activities. His speed was unmatched, his strength could not be contended. NFL scouts had no choice but to draft him and Douglas acquired fame at a young age for dominating the NFL until he was 21. His team won 10 Superbowls in a row with flawless victories. The Philadelphia Eagles could not be scored on during that decade and in fact other teams would often forfeit when scheduled to play against Falcon's team. Once Douglas had 2 fists full of Super Bowl rings, he turned his attention to JUSTICE and ended his perfect football career. He would forever be known as the best football player ever to exist. The Philadelphia Eagles, in honor of Douglas, changed their team name to the Philadelphia Falcons. Police Force: Douglas Falcon always had a yearning for JUSTICE. He enlisted in the Police force at the ripe age of 21 to clean up the crime and scum on the streets. His record was flawless and he quickly rose to the rank of Captain. Captain Falcon cleaned up the streets that were part of his jurisdiction. But it wasn't enough, Captain Falcon wanted more. He wanted to clean up the world and then the universe of scum. He requested transfers frequently to clean up the streets in different jurisdictions, but ultimately found this limiting as he could not freely operate amongst them all at one time. Often criminals would get off the hook due to corrupt litigation and bureaucratic BULLSHIT. It also became extremely apparent to him, that the police force was mostly populated with corrupt pig cops who did not care about justice, and only cared about writing traffic citations and letting SCUM escape the law. Building the Blue Falcon: On the year 2348 CF (Captain Falcon) resigned from the police force to take the law into his own hands. CF had aspirations to become an intergalactic bounty hunter who brought criminals to justice. However being a bounty hunter would require a vehicle capable of interstellar travel, to cross the stars hunting villainous scum. Captain Falcon took it upon himself to build the ultimate racing craft, The Blue Falcon. With his EXTREME ingenuity he designed the blue prints for the craft with the BEST parts the universe had to offer. CF spared no expense to build this craft and went to pain staking ordeals just to acquire parts. Legend has it that he swam across the ocean blue to Japan to pick up his custom ordered JDM engine. He then strapped the engine on his back and swam it back across to America to begin construction of his vehicle. Many were jealous of his ingenuity, specifically the McCloud family who were in the space craft construction industry. Falcon had created a car sized engine that could outclass the mothership sized engine in the McCloud's flag ship. The McClouds were largely ridiculed and shunned after this for being exposed for using sub-par parts and became the joke of the industry. This ultimately caused James McCloud to embark on a suicide mission to attack an intergalactic monkey known as Andross. James died a coward and abandoned his only son, Fox McCloud. This would ultimately effect Fox's development growing up, as he grew up without a father figure. Fox ended up becoming a raging self-entitled prick due to lack of a male role model and forever garnered hatred for Captain Falcon. Although secretly, Fox lusted for Douglas' perfect body. F-Zero Racing Circuit: Once the Blue Falcon was completed, CF wanted to put the vehicle to the test. Falcon entered into the F-Zero circuit for high stakes prize money. As usual, Falcon SMOKED the competition, completing the race in record time. Falcon had a large heart and donated 90% of the winnings to charities for children. The remaining 10% was kept to maintain the expenses of his vehicle and gas prices. Falcon regularly enters into F-Zero races for the following 3 reasons: To maintain upkeep on his vehicle. To continue donations to various charities for children For the SEXUAL THRILL Role Model to Children / Sex Machine to the Ladies: On weekends it is said that he will wear hot pink and white spandex, and drive around impoverished neighborhoods distributing Good-Humor ice-cream products to malnourished children. This is where he gained the nick name "The Good Humor Man". When interviewed about his choice in colors, Falcon clearly stated "I am so secure in my masculinity, that I redefine the color pink." This statement was backed up by his strenuous sexual escapades. Falcon often had flocks of women frequenting his bed room. In fact he installed a hidden compartment in the Blue Falcon, so that up to 3 women could stow aboard and pleasure him while he raced. This was of course to enhance the SEXUAL THRILL of the race and he kept the ladies in hidden compartments so that children would never catch a glimpse of their role model having sexual escapades. This was also a secret handicap that Falcon imposed upon himself. With the added weight of 3 broads in his vehicle, this provided a slight advantage to his rivals on the racing circuit. Bounty Hunter: At this point Captain Falcon had the resources and time to hunt down villainous scum. He traveled the stars in The Blue Falcon bringing the most vile criminals to justice. Whenever he was presented with cash rewards, he humbly turned down the offer and had it donated to charities for children. In comparison, Fox McCloud also started a career around this time trying to hunt down the monkey that killed his father. Fox however did his hunting ONLY for the rewards and the selfishness of avenging his dead beat father. During Fox's quest for vengeance he nearly committed genocide on all apes in the Lylat system. Fox even had the audacity to send a hefty bill to General Pepper of the Lylat system for the "criminals" he brought down. Clearly Falcon was the better man. It was around this time that Falcon crossed paths with Samus Aran, another renown bounty hunter. They were hunting the same bounty and decided to work together. One night, when they were huddled around their camp fire, Samus was extremely aroused by Falcon's cunning prowess. Samus seduced Falcon and they boned on the planet Zebes. Falcon nailed her so good, that she decided to quit Bounty hunting and become a flag girl for the F-Zero circuit to be closer to him. EDIT: The Atlanta Falcons went bankrupt in 2260 and the franchise was disbanded.

Past Tournaments 2022

SSBU Weekly Zurich KW25 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW24 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW23 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW22 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW20 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW19 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW18 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW17 2022 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW16 2022 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW15 2022 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW14 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW13 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW12 2022 eStudios 17th
Baksuz Smashing #08 Horw -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW11 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW10 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW9 2022 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW8 2022 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW7 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW6 2022 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW5 2022 eStudios 17th

Past Tournaments 2021

SSBU Weekly Zurich KW52 2021 eStudios -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW51 2021 eStudios -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW50 2021 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW49 2021 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW48 2021 eStudios 13th
(cancelled) SSBU Weekly Zurich KW47 2021 eStudios -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW45 2021 eStudios 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW44 2021 eStudios 17th
sPooKy Bern Erupted #4 Amateur Bracket Erupt 25th
sPooKy Bern Erupted #4 powered by CATURIX Erupt 33rd
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW43 2021 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW42 2021 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW41 2021 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW40 2021 eStudios 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW39 2021 eStudios 13th
PK Bern Erupted #3 Amateur Bracket Erupt 17th
PK Bern Erupted #3 powered by CATURIX Erupt 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW37 2021 eStudios 17th
Baksuz Smashing #05 Horw -
PK Bern Erupted #2 Amateur Bracket Erupt 13th
PK Bern Erupted #2 powered by CATURIX Erupt 25th
Baksuz Smashing #04 Horw 7th
PK Bern Erupted #1 Amateur Bracket Erupt 7th
PK Bern Erupted #1 Erupt 17th
Baksuz Smashing #3 Horw 9th
Baksuz Smashing #01 Horw 7th

Past Tournaments 2020

(cancelled) PK Bern #12 SAC Clublokal -
PK Bern #11 Amateur Bracket SAC Clublokal 9th
PK Bern #11 SAC Clublokal 33rd
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW37 2020 eParadise 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW35 2020 eParadise 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW34 2020 eParadise -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW33 2020 eParadise 7th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW31 2020 eParadise 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW30 2020 eParadise 17th
PK Bern #10 SAC Clublokal -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW29 2020 eParadise -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW28 2020 eParadise 25th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW27 2020 eParadise 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW26 2020 eParadise 17th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW25 2020 eParadise 25th
(cancelled) SSBU Weekly Zurich KW13 2020 eParadise -
(cancelled) SSBU Weekly Zurich KW12 2020 eParadise -
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW11 2020 eParadise 25th
UltiMon onTour: Lucerne Luzern 25th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW9 2020 eParadise 13th
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW6 2020 eParadise 33rd
UltiMon onTour: Basel Basel, CH 33rd
SSBU Weekly Zurich KW4 2020 eParadise 25th

Past Tournaments 2019

Weekly Zurich random_191121 Zurich 17th
Weekly Zurich random_191114 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_191031 Zurich 33rd
Weekly Zurich random_191010 Zurich 49th
Weekly Zurich random_190822 Zurich 33rd
Weekly Zurich random_190815 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190718 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190711 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190530 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_180523 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190516 Zurich 33rd
Weekly Zurich random_190411 Zurich 17th
Weekly Zurich random_190425 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190328 Zurich 17th
Weekly Zurich random_190321 Zurich 25th
Weekly Zurich random_190314 Zurich 17th
Weekly Zurich random_190221 Zurich 33rd

Joined teams

Spike Club SC